Today I am 40 weeks and two days pregnant.
Today I feel like a ticking bomb. I can't hardly scratch my nose without someone grabbing my bag and heading for the door.
My dear sweet husband has started treating me like an American Express..."don't leave home without it". And as much as I love spending time with him I'm feeling a little bit like his latest accessory.
Yes, my body hurts at the end of the day. It is impossible to put on my shoes and breath at the same time. I feel like Free Willy when I try to roll over in bed. My pants don't fit and I have resorted to wearing leggings 85% of the time (and don't try to tell me leggings aren't pants. Leggings are totally pants when you're 40 weeks pregnant and you have a bowling ball in your pelvis).
But I am one of the lucky ones. I don't get especially huge and for the most part I stay active and really enjoy being pregnant. I like the roundness of my belly and the way it shifts with my baby's movements. I enjoy the process of growing my babies and even though this is my third baby I am still amazed at what my body can accomplish. I love to read about how he grows from almost nothing into this perfect little person. I love that when I say "feed me" food magically appears. I love afternoon naps.
I have enjoyed this pregnancy just as much as the other two, if not more so. I say this because this might very possibly be my last pregnancy and my last baby. Because of this I have chosen to relish every last beautiful and uncomfortable detail. Every kick and wiggle reminds me that this might be the last baby I feel move inside me.
But dear friends, I know you are so excited for us. I know you are anxious to meet our new baby. And I know that many women are anxious to have their pregnancies over with as soon as possible but that is not me.
Can I ask you, please, don't rob me of these last few days. Don't rush this special time for me. Don't ask me if I'm ready to be relieved or ready for it to over with because though I want very much to meet my new baby, there is also a big part of me that will mourn the passing of this stage in my life. There is a part of my heart that will ache a little knowing that my baby days will soon come to an end. And though I look forward to the future ages and stages and all the magic that those will hold, I want to redeem these days. I want to make life slower and really appreciate and enjoy all that this time has to offer.
Because I cannot get these days back. Before I know it my belly will be empty and my arms will be full. Before I know it there will be the last time I have a newborn. Before I know it the teeny tiny clothes will be replaced with bigger and bigger ones. Before I know it there will be no more tell tale signs that a baby has been in my arms and in my house.
Everyone will be big. Everyone will be independent. Everyone will be gone.
So again, please allow me to redeem these days, all of them. I want so much to just slow down and just breathe in life and all it's beautiful craziness. I want to enjoy all the little moments. I want to selfishly enjoy these last days that I have with my baby while it's just me and him.
So please wait with me. Please give me these days.