Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Remember when this was going around Facebook? It made me laugh out loud at the time but in all seriousness, how true is this?
I was speaking to a new mum the other day, her baby is 7 weeks old and she was telling me how being a SAHM is not all it is cracked up to be. She was sure that she would rock and play with her beautiful baby all day (who by the way would be sleeping through the night at 2 weeks old and feeding on a strict schedule...lol..right!). She would prepare wonderful, nutritious meals for her family and they would sit around the table together every night. She would browse Pinterest in her "spare time" (bwahahahaha!) and make beautifully crafted, handmade items for her friends. Her house would be spotless because she wouldn't be at "work" and life would be fairies and unicorn farts.
Things are hard, hard for her right now. She is going out of her mind with boredom (one can only enjoy folding so much laundry - like two shirts) and remember those first 7 weeks with a new baby? Yikes, they can be rough and lonely and draining!
Here's the thing, so far, I don't think it's gotten any easier. Every time I think I've gotten a handle on something (basically, I just get used to it) something new pops up. For example, BP makes me want to bash my head against a brick wall these days. Why did no one tell me about how horrific 4 can be? Gone is my compliant 3 year old and now she is all "why?" and "what for?" and "I don't want to!" The LP is a hurricane. She is into EVERYTHING. I am struggling to stay on top of things. I feel like the house is a disaster. Some days I want to lock myself in the bathroom and cry...but usually as soon as I do walk into the bathroom someone follows me they start banging on the door!
I want to be a SAHM. I enjoy it (well, some days I do). It works for our family. But I just wanted to write and say sometimes it sucks. It sucks monkey butt. Sometimes I don't shower. Sometimes I lose it with my kids because we are driving each other crazy. Sometimes laundry sits in my dryer for days. Sometimes we eat peanut butter sandwiches (I'm so tired I don't even add jam!) for dinner - two nights in a row. Sometimes I am so over someone touching me and hanging on me that I can't hug my husband as soon as he comes home. Sometimes I feel like I am doing everything wrong.
And I told my friend that. Unfortunately with blogs and Facebook and such we can make ourselves look awesome. We can post about how cute our kids are or all we got accomplished in one afternoon - and I'm not saying people should stop doing that. I'm saying that we as mums/people need to stop looking at a blog post or a Facebook update as a summary of how awesome and on top of it someone is. Because a blog post or facebook stauts is a snapshot. It's a moment in one persons life. Its silly to try to compare yourself to one moment. In reality motherhood (SAH and working) is a snapshot of moments. Yes, sometimes those "moments" feel like an eternity when your toddler has destroyed your house that took you hours to clean, in like 3 minutes. But for every moment that sucks I know you (and I!) have about 20 other moments that remind you how blessed your life with kids really is.
By the way, I also told my friends that being a SAHM is story-time at the library. Sometimes its cupcakes and coffee downtown. Sometimes its staying in your pjs all day and watching Cinderella like 3 times (you know who you are!). Sometimes its Mommy and Me classes. Sometimes its conversations answering their deepest questions that if you weren't there to answer them you never would have had that moment. Sometimes its building a tent in the living room and reading stories under it. Sometimes its baking cookies. Sometimes its catching a movie in the middle of the afternoon. Sometimes it dress ups and tea parties. Sometimes its teaching them something and watching them really get it. Sometimes it getting to hang out all day with the little person or people that you love the most. Sometimes it coming to the full realization that you made some really cool little people. Sometimes being a SAHM can be awesome.
Sometimes when we're stressed and done with it all I find I really need to create some of those yes-being-a-SAHM-is-awesome moments. Today I had to do that, it's been one of those weeks. I took them to get cupcakes, the chocolate kind, with the sprinkles. We sat at a coffee shop and ate and talked and visited. People smiled at the three of us and that moment reminded me of how much I really do like my life. Earlier that morning I wasn't feeling quite so warm and fuzzy. You don't even have to leave the house to give yourself a little "I'm rocking the SAHM thing" boost. When I'm feeling overwhelmed and like I'm not being the best mum, I grab 3 or 4 books and pile kids on the couch and read to them. So if I accomplish nothing else that day I have read to my kids and for some reason that makes me feel a bit better.
Ok, there are kids crying in the distance. Take a breath. Hang in there. You got this and it won't last forever. Eventually either they'll leave home...or you will. ;)